I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
