i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
