sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize