her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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