I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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