Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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