First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize