hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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