God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
