So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
