so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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