we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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