I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
