Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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