I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
