I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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