I showed him my bush... on skype.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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