can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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