singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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