We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
