Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I still have a little drunk in my system
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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