mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
