I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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