tonight lets celebrate not being married
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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