Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Randomize
