On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
