You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
