Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize
