I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
