Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Did I show you my penis last night?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
