I just threw up on my dentist
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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