It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
