Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
