Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
