my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
