pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
