this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
And then he peed in my hair
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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