Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Send help, water and tortillas.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
