My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
