You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
