i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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