Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
