I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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