If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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