It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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