porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
