So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
