well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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