I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
