Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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