Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I believe in your delicious
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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