He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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