Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
