Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
