you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize