I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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