I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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