I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
