he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
